I often get compliments about how well behaved my kids are during church. And they are. But I didn’t just get lucky with kids that naturally sit through church. I’ve worked hard for this.
My kids are just as prone to noise, and fighting, and fit-throwing, and wiggling around, and running away as any child. They don’t “naturally” sit still for a full hour listening to adults talk. It’s not like I won the child lottery six times! This is something that I have worked for a long time to teach them.
My system boils down to two basic rules:
- Bum on the bench.
- It’s more fun to be in church than to be taken out.
Here’s the break down of how each rule works.
First rule, bum on the bench.
This applies to EVERYBODY in our family! No one, not even the baby and especially not the toddler, is allowed to get down and play on the floor. You keep your bum on the bench. Period. So many potential problems are eliminated by this simple rule. It’s hard to run away. Kids can’t crawl away under the benches, either. Playing with siblings can still get a little crazy, but not nearly as much as when your feet are on the ground. Movement is fairly limited and definitely slowed (at least a little). It’s just a great rule! I’m pretty sure that when I am dead, and my children are gathered around talking fondly (I hope) of their mother, someone will guess that Mom probably said, “Bum on the bench,” about a gazillion times. And it was for good reason!
Second rule, it’s more fun to be in church than to be taken out.
This rule is more for Mom and Dad to follow, and just a point of information for the kids. For example, little Johnny starts yelling during church. Dad picks him up and carts him out into the foyer, where little Johnny is then allowed to run around and play and make noise to his heart’s content. All this teaches little Johnny is that if he acts up he gets to leave church and go play where it’s “fun.”
What needs to happen when little Johnny gets taken out of church is anything but fun. In our family, when you have to be taken out you sit in time out, quietly, with your arms folded. It is not fun. When little Johnny has a hard time being quiet for his time out, we move to a room farther away from people so their experience at church is not disturbed. If that isn’t far enough, we will even go outside until he can calm down and be ready to return to the bench with his family. Leaving church because you are acting up is not a fun experience. But, when you are calm enough to come back, you may resume coloring or playing quietly. See, it’s fun to be in church! 🙂
This rule is hardest on Mom and Dad. They are the ones who suffer. But the investment is totally worth it!
With my first kid we spent months, starting at about 14 months old, taking him to the foyer to sit in time out and calm down. He didn’t get it right away. It was 3 months of Sundays, at least, that my husband and I spent taking him out to the foyer. We didn’t get much of anything out of church during that time, but eventually it got easier. We would ask him, only once, if he needed to go out, and he would calm right down. Pretty soon we started having Sundays where we didn’t have say anything. It was heaven!
BUT THEN, he would test it. Every few months he would act up again. And, I swear, it was just to press our buttons and see if we were still serious about that rule.
It didn’t happen overnight, and the first one was the hardest, but he gradually got more reverent. He also paved the road for everyone else. When his younger brother came along, he just did what he saw his older brother doing during church, which was sitting quietly, drawing. Not all of the younger siblings have been that easy to teach, but no one has been as hard as the first one.
Church is now one of my favorite times of the week. After the Sunday morning chaos of getting everyone dressed in their best and out the door, I really enjoy sitting quietly together as a family. It is one of the most peaceful times of my busy mom life (excluding when all six of them are asleep). It’s not like that every week. Some are definitely worse than others. But in general, it’s a happy time that I look forward to.
And that’s basically it! That’s how my children, ages 9 years down to almost 2 years, have learned to sit quietly during church. We have one more to go, and I sure hope she’s an easy one! If not, she’ll find out real quick how consistent and stubborn Mom can be. 🙂
Happy Sundays!
Nice! This is so timely. We were just discussing whether it was better to have the kids out of sight on the floor or sitting where the noise would potentially be more of a problem. I won’t tell you who was on which side but I think we will give the “bum on the bench” thing a try. 😉